quotes = new Array;
quotes[1] = "Don't squat with your spurs on.";
quotes[2] = "If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.";
quotes[3] = "Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.";
quotes[4] = "If it don't seem like it's not worth the effort, it probably ain't.";
quotes[5] = "The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm.<BR>The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.";
quotes[6] = "It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.";
quotes[7] = "Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.";
quotes[8] = "Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew;<BR>your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.";
quotes[9] = "Always drink upstream from the herd.";
quotes[10] = "If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then<BR>to make sure it's still there with ya.";
quotes[11] = "When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person,<BR>don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.";
quotes[12] = "When you're throwin' your weight around,<BR>be ready to have it thrown around by someone else.";
quotes[13] = "If you want something done right, call yourself.";
quotes[14] = "Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.";
quotes[15] = "Hang up and drive.";
quotes[16] = "Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.";
quotes[17] = "We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.";
quotes[18] = "Consciousness, that annoying time between naps.";
quotes[19] = "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?";
quotes[20] = "Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.";
quotes[21] = "Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.";
quotes[22] = "Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.";
quotes[23] = "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.";
quotes[24] = "The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead.";
quotes[25] = "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.";
quotes[26] = "Cute as a sack full of puppies.";
quotes[27] = "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.";
quotes[28] = "A bothersome person is like a booger that you can't thump off.";
quotes[29] = "If something is hard to do, it's like trying to herd cats.";
quotes[30] = "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.";
quotes[31] = "Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.";
quotes[32] = "Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.";
quotes[33] = "There are two theories about arguing with a woman.<BR>Neither one works.";
quotes[34] = "Never miss a good chance to shut up.";
quotes[35] = "Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.";
quotes[36] = "Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.";
var quotenumber = 36;
var randomnumber = Math.random() ;
var rand1 = Math.round( (quotenumber-1) * randomnumber) + 1 ;
// var rand1 = 18;
document.write("\"" + quotes[rand1] + "\"");